Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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