I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My balls are so social today.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
