every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
