She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
