He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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