A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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