we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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