if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
