I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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