When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
