whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize