I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
