Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
