Don't you send me to vm
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
