Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
