I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
