I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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