so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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