there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
