I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
