so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
