What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
