Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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