Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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