Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i now understand why vodka
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
its liver damage thursday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize