you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
