It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You left your phone here
Wait...
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