i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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