After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize