I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
