The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
