I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
