hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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