we're blogging at a bar
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
