I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
