it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
