I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
