he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
