just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
