The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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