I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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