I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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