Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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