dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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