If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
