im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
