I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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