Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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