i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
