You're my little dorito
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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