I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
