I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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