Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
