Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize