Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize