you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
