Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
