quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
now i know why i became what i already was.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Even my vagina gasped.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
