Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
