i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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