I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
