I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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