She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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