Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
