does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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