Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
