i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
