If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize