I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We are two peas in an std pod
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize