At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
